The Stay-At-Home Daughter

I told my Dad I thought it was time I quit my job to become an official stay-at-home daughter. He said ok! :) My sister said I should start my own blog called "The Stay-At-Home Daughter." Since I don't need my own blog, I thought I owed a post to it here.

Anyway - doesn't that sound great? I could stay at home and take care of the house - the cooking, the cleaning, managing the finances, having the visiting teachers over during the day, plant some flowers - you know, all the typical stay-at-home daughter stuff. I get a night or 2 off each week to go hang out with the girls. And I wouldn't be too expensive-Sounds fun to me! :)

The Family's Newest Addition

Today we welcome a new addition to the Sisterhood Family: Kevin Monson (no, he's not President Monson's grandson). He had much opposition to this weekend - the random, HUGE, snowstorm in Dallas almost defeated him. But he made it, he proposed, and for that, Kevin, we are grateful. Here are some reasons, in no particular order, why we like Kevin:

1. He knows the meaning of "Cowboy Up"

2. He's from Canada. Cardston, Alberta to be exact. (Randomly it is the only town in Canada I've ever been to - if my sources are correct Kevin is the blond kid on the back row - 3rd from the right)


3. He owns this AMAZING bug company in Dallas. Pretty sure he'll be the next boss on that show Donald Trump does (I've never been good with pop culture - at least I know who donald trump is!)

4. He's a tree hugger. (And his favorite winter sport his hockey. He's good. Real good.)

5. He plays with children who have no legs :) (yeah yeah, I know this kid really DOES have legs, but it's funny, so go with it)

6. There's a chance he MIGHT be good at "Trump THIS Succor!"

7. He wears stretchy pants while standing next to freaky army dudes

8. He has a long tongue (not quite sure why that's good . . . maybe Jaime can tell us)

9. This is what he looked like when he kissed Jaime for the first time. Who wouldn't want to kiss that?

10. He likes macs.


11 A. He likes to dress up. (A definite requirement for a member of the "Brethren of the Sisterhood") B - he likes Harry Potter (a bonus!)


12. He's so spiritual! Check out how he's praying so he won't die!


13. He's good with surprises. He crammed himself up in this box and surprised Jaime for her birthday. (And Jaime had NO idea the proposal was coming . . . partly because I'm such a good secret keeper)


14. (Fourteen because Valentine's day is on the 14th - it totally makes sense.) He LOVES Jaime. A lot. And guess what? He makes her happy! Real happy.

Hooray for LOVE! Kevin, welcome to the Brethren of the Sisterhood.

1.

Do's and Don'ts of Grief Support

Not that any of you need to hear this (promise, y'all are amazingly awesome) but maybe through the 5 ish people who read this blog, word can slowly get out. Some people are just awkward, (We've known this for years, I get it) But some NORMAL people are exceptionally awkward when there is a big elephant in the room. I have an elephant in my room all the time now. It's big. Real big. I named him Fred. Lot's of people ignore Fred. Lot's of people hurt Fred's feelings. Lot's of people make Fred want to stampede on top of them. It's tough, I get it. In fact, if I hadn't been through what I've been through, I would be completely clueless as to what to say-ignoring the huge elephant. Never fear my friends, here are some examples of good things to say, and some not-so-good things to say. All are real-life examples, but names have been changed to protect the innocent-or to protect identity of your husbands' friend(s)!

Here is the best thing to DO:
Just say something. Acknowledge the elephant in the room and move on. It's simple, really. Something like, "I'm so sorry to hear about your _______. You're in our thoughts and prayers." Or "I heard about your _________. I'm so sorry for your loss."
That's it. I told you it was easy. Asking too many questions can be weird, especially if you're not very close to the person, but not saying anything at all is weirder, especially if you're trying to have a conversation with them and asking what's going on in their life, forcing THEM to tell You about the big elephant, which you already know about, but don't know what to say.

Here are several DON'Ts:
From Dennis, the art teacher at school: "I know EXACTLY what you're going through. My mom died when she was in her late 70's of alzheimers."
Even if your best friend who was also your sister died on her mission in England and 1.5 years later your other best friend who was also your Mom died of cancer, you DON'T know what the person is going through. Trust me. Everyone is different, and no one wants to hear that you feel their pain, cause trust me, you don't.

From Alan, a very well-intended old man in my ward when he saw me sitting without any of my family on Sunday (Dad had meetings): "Where is your family? Oh they're all gone now? Sister's back in Japan, Greg's back at school, and your Dad's off at meetings. That house must be quiet. I bet that's when you miss your mom a lot, it must be hard to have such a quiet house." (My response, "Yep." He would have kept talking if I hadn't turned my head to find someone else to talk to on my row.)

From Sharlee: (While completely sobbing during the voicemail she left on my phone) "Oh ALICIA! I can't believe you have to go through this. It must be so HARD. Call me and let me know what I can do to help." Now this one isn't too awful - it's the sobbing that gets me. I also had several women in the ward literally SOB on my shoulder while I gave them comfort and patted their backs when they heard Mom was in her final stages. Please don't make the people who are grieving comfort you - it's not fun. At all. (Oh, and don't tell the person to call you when they need something. They don't know what they need, and they probably never will. It's your job as the good friend to pray and come up with something creative - see a list of good ideas below.)

From Brother Jacob, my institute teacher: "Death is such a great thing, it just opens your mind so much to the gospel." I know this was well-intended (as all of these comments have been) but no one wants to hear how great death is because "you learn so much." Even if it's true that you learn a lot (you do). Death is not great. Ever. In fact, it hurts real bad.

I could go on forever with lots of stories, but we'll end with my favorite-the condensed version-from Ned: "Did I ever tell you about the time my brother got divorced and later remarried? It was shortly after I returned from my mission. It was pretty sad - she decided she didn't want anything to do with the church, so she left. It was really hard for me, I mean, it was kind of like losing a sister, you know? Anyway, one time my brother called home to talk to my parents but I answered. I could tell he was crying and when I asked if he was ok he immediately started sobbing. It was so sad to hear him cry like that. I can't imagine the pain he went through. We decided burying a spouse must be better than divorce." Yes, this conversation really did happen. Not fabricated one bit. Now I would never say divorce is easier or harder than anything, but really, not a good idea to find some far-out story to help you "relate." As I already said, you can't relate, so don't try.

Once again - these are more for your viewing pleasure than for your knowledge - you all have done great and I don't have any awkward stories from any of you. Share with your husbands and have a good laugh. And now, to end on a more positive note - here are some great ideas of things you can do for someone who is going through a hard time.

1. Make a meal--The kind you can freeze (not a Mom's surprise though - they should probably know what it is.) Take it over and stick it in their freezer with cooking instructions attached. It will be perfect for the days after the funeral when things have quieted down and life is supposed to move on but you still don't want to cook (there are lots of those days).
2. Drinks--Take over a cooler full of drinks like sodas, water, juice boxes, etc. for the family to drink throughout the day, or to serve with the meals people bring. Restock it each night with more ice and drinks. Remember, lots of crying makes them dehydrated so they'll love it.
3. Artwork--Framed pictures of their loved one or just something that makes you smile will be cherished for a long time. I love the willow tree statues, but be conscious that a lot of other people love them too-make sure you leave the tag on the box if you go with a Willow Tree so it can be returned if it's a duplicate.
4. Grocery Shopping--Not HUGE shopping, but little things they need but won't think of (snacks for kids, fruit, etc) Call the family the next time you're headed to the grocery store to see if they need you to pick up some milk or something.
5. Breakfast--The day of the funeral is usually hectic. Drop off breakfast. Someone brought us the best cinnamon rolls I've ever had. Mmmm!
6. Garbage Cans--Our neighbors brought over one of their garbage cans and we filled it! Lots of people at home and lots of flowers creates lots of garbage. They also took our trash out to the curb because small details like that are hard to remember.
7. Obituary--Cut out copies of the obituary and laminate one for each member of the family.
8. Music--Take over a CD with comforting music, or just music that makes you happy. I have a few cd's from when Linz passed that will always remind me of her just because of the timing of when they were given. I love them.
9. Kleenex--Take over several boxes of tissues. Trust me, the more the better. (And make sure they're the soft kind - noses can get rubbed raw quickly.)
10. Comfort Food--You know what makes you feel good. Make it and take it over. Cheesecake can do wonders for the weary soul!

Faith is a Choice . . .

I choose to have faith. Thanks to all for the emails, calls, texts, prayers, love, support, etc for the past 1.5ish years. (Maybe one day my life will be normal so you won't have to pray for me.) We are being very blessed. Here is a clip from the movie I made for Mom at Christmas. Get the tissues ready.

"Let's Talk About Memories!"*

*This quote cannot go unattributed. Jaime Mabray would always say that is a kid. Apparently she like talking about memories! (Who doesn't?)

I was sitting in church 2 weeks ago (yes, I'm only 2 weeks behind in the posting world . . . aren't you proud?) We sang this song. It made me laugh in my innards (people would have looked at me funny if I had laughed out loud . . . but people always look at me funny, so I guess I should have done it). Please bless all you King Henry women are currently singing the alto note of that song in your head. I will forever associate that song with our amazingly un-talented King Henry ward choir (no offense to Krista and all who participated - she really tried hard, and that's all that matters.)

And yesterday I went to Provo for an awkward baby shower (really, has there ever been a baby shower that wasn't awkward? Ok . . . I guess I realized there are mothers out there reading this who probably had quite normal baby showers . . . I was just too unfortunate to not attend any of them.) After the baby shower I had a few minutes to kill while I was waiting to meet up with a friend. So I decided to do a drive-by of all the places I'd lived. It was fun. I realized I had my camera with me when I made to the King Henry, but was much too lazy to park and walk up to the door to see if it's still "78" and to get a picture of it. (And let's be honest, I probably would have been towed or booted if I had tried.) So I took a picture of 78's backside. Knowing how much I love my own backside (shout-out to Towanda) I thought it was extremely appropriate. If you look close you can see the bunk beds from the middle room (Tiff/Crystal/Jaime's room - right?) Pretty sure they're the same bunkbeds our grandparents used when they lived there (did any of us have grandparents who lived there? I just made it up, but it would be highly cool if it were true).


So I was thinking . . . "Let's talk about memories?" What are your favorite apartment 78 memories? Here's a few I remember (and I apologize to those who never lived in apartment 78 - we had to start somewhere!)

• "Yep, still a brick wall!" - Crystal
• Abbey giving Joey a bloody nose (you rock girl)
• Talking to Crystal in the DR
• Playing "Trump that Succor!"
  
• Sweet Swaps. No one ever got married because of sweet swaps. Oh wait - Abbey, can we blame your marriage on a sweet swap night? (We had quite a few awkward ones.)
• 6 girls + 1 bathroom = messy. Even after it's cleaned.
• NO HEAT (remember those space heaters?)
• Clogging and doing lifts in the sky light
• Backstreet boys - the originals
• Speaking of boys . . . we were (and still are) really cute girls! How come Jaime and Abbey were the only roommates who got any action from a King Henry boy? (unless I'm forgetting someone . . . )
• My powdered milk. How embarrassing. I'm amazed you all still talk to me.
• 2
  
• "All I want for Christmas, is "STU!" (btw, I heard he just moved back to SLC)
• April Fool's jokes on the boys. I'll never forget Abbey grabbing a pile of dishes and putting them on some boys bed. They didn't get it.
• The smell. We never figured it out. Spent hours, looking and being paranoid. Found nothing.
  
• The awkward maintenance men who used our microwave.
• Mold. In our bedroom. Gross. (It's amazing we made it out of that place alive.)
• And last but not least, yelling for Tiff until she came into our room to answer awkward questions. Yes Abbey, cats do have periods! :)

Please add to the list!!!!

The Last Several Months in 10 Pictures or More

Hi. It's me. Alicia. I figure since just about everyone is married, and Jaime and Tiff fail at using the blog, this baby is kind of mine. Sorry, my life just isn't that exciting. Posting has been on my to-do list for months now. Things have been crazy. Whoops. In chronological order, here are some highlights of my life since . . . JUNE!

1st Texas Trip

I left the day after my students graduated (or something close to the day after - I can't remember anymore) for some R&R in the great state of Dallas. :) Everything really is bigger there. Except the roommates. And Abbey!!!! It was oh so fun to meet up with her and see cute Macy and Abbey's belly. Please bless I'm that small when I'm that pregnant. My attempt to have a trip romance failed miserably. But I DID get Jenn's computer working right so she could Skype with her fiance while he was living in Cali, which is close enough to a trip romance for me.

Christmas in July

Lots of babysitting of the cutest nieces and nephews in the world. And a new niece and nephew were born in August - they had the same due dates but were 6 days apart. I love babies! Anyway, I was given this gingerbread house kit at Christmas time. What a better way to bring it out than on a rainy July day? (Yes, the kids ate all the candy - only some of it was hard.)

Girls Camp

(I was going to show you a very embarrassing video of me dancing, but it wouldn't upload. I tried with all the nerd skills I could muster and it wouldn't work. Sorry!) No, Megan did not get to come, but she had fun helping me pack. Girls camp was fun as a young woman. It's even better as a leader. Minus the bear they had to shoot, camp was great. I love family wards.

Family Trip to Oregon

"Alicia, that doesn't look like Oregon! It looks like a nasty Motel 6 Bathroom!" Guess what? You're right! Why am I holding a pillow? I slept there. My dad's snoring really was that bad. I promise. Don't worry, I put the towel on the ground first. Whoever invented ear plugs is deserving of the Nobel Peace Prize. Really. It saved me the rest of the trip.

GOONIES!

We're still in Oregon here, folks. Canon Beach. Lots of Goonies filming occurred on this very beach. As did this picture of my parents and little bro.

The only sunset we had during our 10-day camping excursion. Just in case you were wondering, Oregon really is rainy and cold (but we didn't let that stop us from getting in the water).

EFY (awk)

After all these years of singleness, I thought I had avoided it-being an efy counselor. It was a volunteer thing, so I felt obligated. While I did love my girls, let's just say I was officially the Grandma Counselor and we'll leave it at that. (21-year-old boys + 19-year-old girls=40+flirting YSA's. I'm sure I was never that immature. Right?)

Jenn's Wedding!

No, that is NOT Jenn pretending to be that real strong male gymanst. That's Jenn's-husband's-BFF-from-the-mission-who-also-happens-to-be-friends-with-Pinky's-husband. Pinky set me up with him last spring. We went out. A lot. He got itchy. And then non-committal. And guess who spent all weekend entertaining him? Me. And Jaime's ex-boyfriend who was also in town for the wedding (they really hit it off - we thought it was appropriate). Yes, the seating arrangements at the dinner were awkward. And yes, it's confusing - read it slowly and it will make sense.

What? The bikes we just rode around on in the parking lot are the Elders' and not Jenn's fiance's? As Elisabeth said, "Our first hint should have been the tall seats. Clearly not one of 'the boys' bikes." (They're a bit lacking in the height department. But most of them make up for it in awesomeness.)

Kyle. Sigh. Enough said. And basically, Jenn's wedding was PERFECT. She was hotter than Texas on an August afternoon (and that's HOT! I apologize again for how much I sweat at the temple. How embarrassing. There is a reason I live in the desert.) I was so busy filming and editing the wedding video that I didn't get many pictures of Jenn. And the ones I stole from Pinky are still on my other computer. So take a look at Pinky's blog and then beg Jenn for more pics (I'm still dying to see the one of us jumping where we AREN'T showing our religion. If you know what I mean.) And Katie - it was SO good to see you!

Blind Dates

Someone must have decided to put me on a blind date blitz. One involved a hitch hiker. Another involved "the chair game." (It's even more awkward than it sounds.) Another involves a stabbing (sort of). And the list goes on. We'll leave it at that.

Jamie's Wedding!

No, that's not Jamie's baby. It's Shannon's beautiful Marlee! She's even more adorable in real life. Another perfect wedding. Sigh. Leaving Tiff, Jaime Mabray, and me to carry on the Singleness. (However, since Jaime got 2 the night of Jenn's wedding, things are looking up for her. Tiff - the race is on.)

Mom

I've left out a lot that's happened (despite how long this post is, I promise I didn't include EVERY detail of the last few months) but I couldn't end without this. My mom is amazing. And that is an understatement. While my sister was in town from Japan we took some family pictures. (Thank you Netell) She looks great, doesn't she! I dare any of you to look that great after going through as much chemo as she's had. The tests are bad and keep getting worse, but she is our miracle and has yet to spend an entire day in bed. (Your prayers are working. REALLY, they are.) Every.Day.Matters. Now that you're done reading this eternal post, say a little prayer of gratitude that your mom is still alive, and go call her and tell her you love her. :)

Another Beautiful Bride

Well, Jamie has been married for one month now. I don't have any pictures to post myself, but Katrina has posted some great ones to her photography blog. Check them out:

Teaser

At the Temple

Jamie in action

Happy one month anniversary Jam!