Raise your hand if you remember THIS!

Single and Zero

I know there are a lot of good things about being single. For example, no one tries to steal my blankets or kick when I'm sleeping. I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, and I don't have to report to anyone. If I stay up late to post a blog, no one cares (except me the next day when I'm tired - does 9:59 count as late? Don't answer). I can travel to cool places like New York over Spring Break (bless Elisabeth for being the best hostess ever - pictures to come, promise!) The toilet seat is always down and the bathroom stays clean. I don't have to iron anyone else's clothes (or fold them for that matter). Anyway - that list could go on and on. But I would just like to complain about this one little thing, if I may.

I finally got around to doing my taxes this weekend. Yeah, I know I was cutting it close to the dreaded April 15th day (by the way, I'm SO grateful April 15th is not my birthday) but at least they're done on time. When all was said and done, I was getting a few hundred back. (Is it "improper" to tell people over the world wide web how much you are getting for your tax refund? Let's just say it's less then $1000 and more than $500.) I was feeling pretty good about myself, when I came out to share the good news with my sister and her husband. Their response? "Oh bummer!" (With looks of despair on their faces.) "Really, you need to get married and own a house and have a couple of kids, then you get thousands back!"

Why does the government feel it's ok to punish us single people by making us pay more taxes? Doesn't make much sense to me. Single and zero - I decided this status is more depressing than not having a man on Valentine's Day. It's enough to be single, but single AND zero? Woof. Now I get that all y'all with houses and kids deserve a break, I won't argue on that one, but maybe we should make a proposal to the legislature - deductions for awkward dates and lame guys. What do you think? Then it would even out - those who aren't doing their part still pay the "single and zero" status, while those of us who are TRYING to get out of what, according to the government, must be a pretty awful situation, get a little break. Anyone agree?

Phone Boyfriend..

It's probably a little too soon to be announcing this, but.. Alicia has a phone boyfriend :) It makes me kind of giddy just thinking about it.

This is NOT a picture of her phone boyfriend. Hers is much cuter..



Have a romantic Tuesday, Sisters!

The Stay-At-Home Daughter

I told my Dad I thought it was time I quit my job to become an official stay-at-home daughter. He said ok! :) My sister said I should start my own blog called "The Stay-At-Home Daughter." Since I don't need my own blog, I thought I owed a post to it here.

Anyway - doesn't that sound great? I could stay at home and take care of the house - the cooking, the cleaning, managing the finances, having the visiting teachers over during the day, plant some flowers - you know, all the typical stay-at-home daughter stuff. I get a night or 2 off each week to go hang out with the girls. And I wouldn't be too expensive-Sounds fun to me! :)

The Family's Newest Addition

Today we welcome a new addition to the Sisterhood Family: Kevin Monson (no, he's not President Monson's grandson). He had much opposition to this weekend - the random, HUGE, snowstorm in Dallas almost defeated him. But he made it, he proposed, and for that, Kevin, we are grateful. Here are some reasons, in no particular order, why we like Kevin:

1. He knows the meaning of "Cowboy Up"

2. He's from Canada. Cardston, Alberta to be exact. (Randomly it is the only town in Canada I've ever been to - if my sources are correct Kevin is the blond kid on the back row - 3rd from the right)


3. He owns this AMAZING bug company in Dallas. Pretty sure he'll be the next boss on that show Donald Trump does (I've never been good with pop culture - at least I know who donald trump is!)

4. He's a tree hugger. (And his favorite winter sport his hockey. He's good. Real good.)

5. He plays with children who have no legs :) (yeah yeah, I know this kid really DOES have legs, but it's funny, so go with it)

6. There's a chance he MIGHT be good at "Trump THIS Succor!"

7. He wears stretchy pants while standing next to freaky army dudes

8. He has a long tongue (not quite sure why that's good . . . maybe Jaime can tell us)

9. This is what he looked like when he kissed Jaime for the first time. Who wouldn't want to kiss that?

10. He likes macs.


11 A. He likes to dress up. (A definite requirement for a member of the "Brethren of the Sisterhood") B - he likes Harry Potter (a bonus!)


12. He's so spiritual! Check out how he's praying so he won't die!


13. He's good with surprises. He crammed himself up in this box and surprised Jaime for her birthday. (And Jaime had NO idea the proposal was coming . . . partly because I'm such a good secret keeper)


14. (Fourteen because Valentine's day is on the 14th - it totally makes sense.) He LOVES Jaime. A lot. And guess what? He makes her happy! Real happy.

Hooray for LOVE! Kevin, welcome to the Brethren of the Sisterhood.

1.

Do's and Don'ts of Grief Support

Not that any of you need to hear this (promise, y'all are amazingly awesome) but maybe through the 5 ish people who read this blog, word can slowly get out. Some people are just awkward, (We've known this for years, I get it) But some NORMAL people are exceptionally awkward when there is a big elephant in the room. I have an elephant in my room all the time now. It's big. Real big. I named him Fred. Lot's of people ignore Fred. Lot's of people hurt Fred's feelings. Lot's of people make Fred want to stampede on top of them. It's tough, I get it. In fact, if I hadn't been through what I've been through, I would be completely clueless as to what to say-ignoring the huge elephant. Never fear my friends, here are some examples of good things to say, and some not-so-good things to say. All are real-life examples, but names have been changed to protect the innocent-or to protect identity of your husbands' friend(s)!

Here is the best thing to DO:
Just say something. Acknowledge the elephant in the room and move on. It's simple, really. Something like, "I'm so sorry to hear about your _______. You're in our thoughts and prayers." Or "I heard about your _________. I'm so sorry for your loss."
That's it. I told you it was easy. Asking too many questions can be weird, especially if you're not very close to the person, but not saying anything at all is weirder, especially if you're trying to have a conversation with them and asking what's going on in their life, forcing THEM to tell You about the big elephant, which you already know about, but don't know what to say.

Here are several DON'Ts:
From Dennis, the art teacher at school: "I know EXACTLY what you're going through. My mom died when she was in her late 70's of alzheimers."
Even if your best friend who was also your sister died on her mission in England and 1.5 years later your other best friend who was also your Mom died of cancer, you DON'T know what the person is going through. Trust me. Everyone is different, and no one wants to hear that you feel their pain, cause trust me, you don't.

From Alan, a very well-intended old man in my ward when he saw me sitting without any of my family on Sunday (Dad had meetings): "Where is your family? Oh they're all gone now? Sister's back in Japan, Greg's back at school, and your Dad's off at meetings. That house must be quiet. I bet that's when you miss your mom a lot, it must be hard to have such a quiet house." (My response, "Yep." He would have kept talking if I hadn't turned my head to find someone else to talk to on my row.)

From Sharlee: (While completely sobbing during the voicemail she left on my phone) "Oh ALICIA! I can't believe you have to go through this. It must be so HARD. Call me and let me know what I can do to help." Now this one isn't too awful - it's the sobbing that gets me. I also had several women in the ward literally SOB on my shoulder while I gave them comfort and patted their backs when they heard Mom was in her final stages. Please don't make the people who are grieving comfort you - it's not fun. At all. (Oh, and don't tell the person to call you when they need something. They don't know what they need, and they probably never will. It's your job as the good friend to pray and come up with something creative - see a list of good ideas below.)

From Brother Jacob, my institute teacher: "Death is such a great thing, it just opens your mind so much to the gospel." I know this was well-intended (as all of these comments have been) but no one wants to hear how great death is because "you learn so much." Even if it's true that you learn a lot (you do). Death is not great. Ever. In fact, it hurts real bad.

I could go on forever with lots of stories, but we'll end with my favorite-the condensed version-from Ned: "Did I ever tell you about the time my brother got divorced and later remarried? It was shortly after I returned from my mission. It was pretty sad - she decided she didn't want anything to do with the church, so she left. It was really hard for me, I mean, it was kind of like losing a sister, you know? Anyway, one time my brother called home to talk to my parents but I answered. I could tell he was crying and when I asked if he was ok he immediately started sobbing. It was so sad to hear him cry like that. I can't imagine the pain he went through. We decided burying a spouse must be better than divorce." Yes, this conversation really did happen. Not fabricated one bit. Now I would never say divorce is easier or harder than anything, but really, not a good idea to find some far-out story to help you "relate." As I already said, you can't relate, so don't try.

Once again - these are more for your viewing pleasure than for your knowledge - you all have done great and I don't have any awkward stories from any of you. Share with your husbands and have a good laugh. And now, to end on a more positive note - here are some great ideas of things you can do for someone who is going through a hard time.

1. Make a meal--The kind you can freeze (not a Mom's surprise though - they should probably know what it is.) Take it over and stick it in their freezer with cooking instructions attached. It will be perfect for the days after the funeral when things have quieted down and life is supposed to move on but you still don't want to cook (there are lots of those days).
2. Drinks--Take over a cooler full of drinks like sodas, water, juice boxes, etc. for the family to drink throughout the day, or to serve with the meals people bring. Restock it each night with more ice and drinks. Remember, lots of crying makes them dehydrated so they'll love it.
3. Artwork--Framed pictures of their loved one or just something that makes you smile will be cherished for a long time. I love the willow tree statues, but be conscious that a lot of other people love them too-make sure you leave the tag on the box if you go with a Willow Tree so it can be returned if it's a duplicate.
4. Grocery Shopping--Not HUGE shopping, but little things they need but won't think of (snacks for kids, fruit, etc) Call the family the next time you're headed to the grocery store to see if they need you to pick up some milk or something.
5. Breakfast--The day of the funeral is usually hectic. Drop off breakfast. Someone brought us the best cinnamon rolls I've ever had. Mmmm!
6. Garbage Cans--Our neighbors brought over one of their garbage cans and we filled it! Lots of people at home and lots of flowers creates lots of garbage. They also took our trash out to the curb because small details like that are hard to remember.
7. Obituary--Cut out copies of the obituary and laminate one for each member of the family.
8. Music--Take over a CD with comforting music, or just music that makes you happy. I have a few cd's from when Linz passed that will always remind me of her just because of the timing of when they were given. I love them.
9. Kleenex--Take over several boxes of tissues. Trust me, the more the better. (And make sure they're the soft kind - noses can get rubbed raw quickly.)
10. Comfort Food--You know what makes you feel good. Make it and take it over. Cheesecake can do wonders for the weary soul!

Faith is a Choice . . .

I choose to have faith. Thanks to all for the emails, calls, texts, prayers, love, support, etc for the past 1.5ish years. (Maybe one day my life will be normal so you won't have to pray for me.) We are being very blessed. Here is a clip from the movie I made for Mom at Christmas. Get the tissues ready.