Queer Clear!

Remember how you all love hearing about my dating life? (Too bad if you don't!) So my uncle called me on Sunday with the usual, "I know a guy, he's great, he's tall, my daughter says he's good looking, etc etc etc, oh, and he's about 30 and never kissed a girl."

Can we say red flags here? Giant, huge ones that scream, "He's got issues!"

But since I'm single and I at least trust my uncle not to set me up with a creep-o, I say ok. And then I immediately call my cousin to see if she can give me the scoop on him. She didn't know too much, but said she'd get back to me. I promptly did some facebook stalking. Found him. Nothing huge to report.

Until the next day when cousin and I text:

Cousin: "Found him on facebook. I have a couple of friends that know him pretty well so I am waiting to hear."
Me: "I forgot to tell you that uncle told me he's never kissed a girl. Woof and weird!"
Cousin: "That explains why I think I heard he has struggled with same sex attraction. I am waiting for confirmation. I would queer clear though."
Cousin (again): "Ha ha! I meant steer. That was hilarious!" (You know how when you text it just brings up the word for you automatically? Apparently "steer" and "queer" share text words.)

So after I go out with the gay guy I'm pretty sure I've done it all. Can I be done yet? :)

The First Shall Be Last . . .

One day, many years ago (9 years ago, to be exact) a young lady named Tiffany entered the Valley of Happiness. She lived with 5 other young ladies in a small cinder block-walled apartment. She spent her days studying and her nights dreaming about the day her beautiful prince would show up and rescue her from the cinder block walls.. She was patient, and was enjoying her time in the Valley of Happiness. One day, she became saddened when she learned that one of her roommates decided to move out a bit prematurely. But she took it like a champ and was excited for the change. Along came a young lady named Alicia to live with Tiffany. She was escaping the tyrannies of the evil upper-classmen-living-on-campus. So Tiffany took Alicia under her wing. They became fast friends, and waited for the princes for many years. Thankfully, they were able to leave the confines of cinder-block-world for slightly more hospitable quarters, and remained "roommates" for the remainder of their years in the Valley of Happiness. Little did they know that each year would bring more great roommates, eventually forming a Sisterhood. As some of the roommates were rescued by their princes, new ladies were added in, and even some neighbors were inducted into the Sisterhood (after rigorous testing of course). So one by one Tiffany and Alicia attended lots of weddings for the Ladies of the Sisterhood. Recently, they attended a wedding in Dallas, where they realized they were the last 2 of the entire Sisterhood! What started with just 2 innocent young ladies, has now ended with the same 2 and slightly less innocent women. "Wherefore, the first shall be last, and the last shall be first." (Or something like that.)

And now, ladies and gentlemen (um, I hope no gentlemen actually read this blog - that would be quite embarrassing) I present to you, (drumroll please) . . . . . . . . Tiff's FIANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Meet Llyr. Llyr Christensen. (Pronounced Lear. And since I know you're all wondering, here's the story of his name (Tiff - correct me if I'm wrong) Llyr's dad went on a mission (can't remember where) and of course met some amazing people. He became so close with one person that he vowed he would name his first born son after this guy. Years later, enter Llyr's Mom (who was not present when the vow was made). She didn't want her son to be named after an airplane, so she found this alternate spelling, and was more than willing to comply with her husband's wishes. Hence: Llyr. Fun huh?!)

I have yet to meet Llyr in person, BUT he sounds completely normal (of course) and amazing (of course) on the phone. And before he knew Tiff is going to have 8 boys, he told me he wanted a big family. They are perfect. (And after I informed him he would only be having sons he stated, "I didn't want any daughters anyway!") He's turned Tiff into a true Cougar - not because he goes to BYU (which he does) but because he is a few years younger than Tiff. Go Tiff!!! (I've always said the younger ones have less baggage.) The best part about him? He loves Tiff. Kind of a lot. A lot. In fact, he loves her so much that he's willing to just do some independent study courses so he can follow her to Colorado. Pretty sure that is true love. :)

I did some stalking (thanks to Elisabeth for teaching how to stalk) and here are some pictures to help us all get to know Llyr a little better. :)

Apparently he likes to break things with his hands. Check out the hair cut - the classic "bumb cut." And Llyr must be good because if you take a close look at the old guy's face, he looks afraid, very afraid.


Told you he's a true cougar.


Apparently he likes to wear sweaters around his neck. And golf. And drink wine. (Tiff, have you seen this picture? Just making sure you know what you're getting into.)


Pretty sure anyone who can grow a mustache is either really cool, or a pedophile. We'll assume he's cool.


At least during times of homelessness he doesn't sleep on the park bench. Concrete is way better.


Llyr - you picked a good one! Welcome!!! (Oh, and the date is yet to be determined.)

Random Good Stuff (and some gossip!)

This just in! Someone in the sisterhood has a new boyfriend. I'll give you only one hint - it's NOT me. Happy guessing!

AND - do you King Henry girls remember when Julia pulled out her voodoo magic (not sure if a piece of thread is actually voodoo, but I don't know what else to call it) and predicted how many kids we were going to have (AND their genders)? I really don't remember much of it, except for the fact that Tiff is supposed to have 8 boys (how could we forget that). Do y'all who are married remember this? And did Julia's voodoo make any accurate predictions? I was talking about it with the aforementioned boyfriend, and he wanted to know if this "voodoo" actually works. So...does it? Inquiring minds would like to know.

Oh, and those of you who are mothers of boys: just a friendly reminder to teach them that when they ask a girl out, they should NOT ask her to drive to their house. Especially when you've never met before. And especially not twice in a row.

And while at the demolition derby tonight (totally awesome) the little kid sitting in front of me was making friends with the kid next to him. They were showing off scars and such when one of them said, "Do you want me to show you how I can shoot boogars out my nose?" Thankfully his mom intervened at that point.

That is all. :)

Happy Spinster Day!

For no real reason at all, I declare today Spinster Day. Take a moment and appreciate the spinsters in your life. And for your reading enjoyment, here is a quote from one of my favorite books, Little Women.

"At twenty-five, girls begin to talk about being old maids, but secretly resolve that they never will be; at thirty they say nothing about it, but quietly accept the fact, and, if sensible, console themselves by remembering that they have twenty more useful, happy years, in which they may be learning to grow old gracefully. Don't laugh at the spinsters, dear girls, for often very tender, tragic romances are hidden away in the hearts that beat so quietly under the sober gowns, many silent sacrifices of youth, health, ambition, love itself, make the faded faces beautiful in God's sight. Even the sad, sour sisters should be kindly dealt with, because they have missed the sweetest part of life, if for no other reason; and, looking at them with compassion, not contempt, girls in their bloom should remember that they too may miss the blossom time; that rosy cheeks don't last forever, that silver threads will come in the bonnie brown hair, and that, by-and-by, kindness and respect will be as sweet as love and admiration now. . . . Recollect the good aunts who have not only lectured and fussed, but nursed and petted, too often without thanks; the scrapes they have helped you out of, the tips they have given you from their small store, the stitches the patient old fingers have set for you, the steps the willing old feet have taken, and gratefully pay the dear old ladies the little attentions that women love to receive as long as they live."

Post Script...

I submit that we give our blog a new face lift...All in favor??

Pretty

Well I Just Found some pictures and thought you were pretty...so I figured...What the H...lets post em! (Im a mother now...shouldn't swear) xoxo

Seriously you guys are attractive. . . And so are all the other roomates whose pictures I dont have. . .

I did it, I posted!!!

So, I am probably, by far, the worst roommate at posting on the blog. As I was talking with Crystal last night, to wish her a Happy Birthday, she had asked if I had seen pictures of Luke Tyler. I got the text from Elisabeth, but it was cut off and so I had to tell her, no. Crystal then proceeded to tell me about the blog that Elisabeth is so faithful at keeping up to date. So I got onto the Sisterhood Blog and then to check out little Luke Tyler, who is absolutely perfect. (You did well, Elisabeth!!! I love him already.)

So this week is a big week in the roommate world; Crystal had a birthday (even though she was feeling like pooh, it was still a good day full of moving and trying not to throw up and Jaime is getting MARRIED!!!! Kevin will enter the brotherhood of the sisterhood on Friday June 4th at approximately noon, central time. We are so excited. Alicia, Jen, and I will hold down the fort for the sisterhood while in Dallas and will let you all know how it goes. Well, Alicia probably will before I do, because I seem to post about once a year. Anyways, I will try to be better, especially as I move off to the mountains of Vail, CO. You will get to hear all about the craziness of that adventure. I love you all!