Doing the Math

What a week it's been. I know I haven't posted yet about New York - don't worry, I haven't had time to even look at the pictures yet. It'll get up here at some point. Promise.

But today I'm paying tribute to the two people who have changed my life. The 2 people who I really can't honor with mere words - my meager attempt doesn't do them justice, but here goes.

Mom, sorry I'm a day late, but I figure you're probably so busy up there you don't have time to read my little embarrassing posts on this blog, but just in case . . . Happy Mother's Day! I hope you don't mind that I kind of ran away for the weekend - but being surrounded by people who didn't know to be sad for me was just what I needed. And sitting next to President Moffat and his wife in church was such a tender mercy. I tried to make things at home as you would have had them if you were here, but I'm not you and it wasn't the same and I'm sad to report that I didn't do very well. My flower arrangement of the flowers YOU planted was quite embarrassing. Sorry! Maybe next year I'll do better at honoring the best mother who ever lived, but this year was kind of hard. The house felt very empty - even when it was full of people. I MISS you! I have so much I wish I could tell you. And Linz and I didn't even get to sing you our awkward Mother's Day song this year. Well, hopefully she sang it for you - sorry I wasn't there to join in. I read through some of what you left us last night and it was perfect. How did you know exactly what I would need to hear? You truly are amazing. Thanks for being my strength, my pillar, my best friend, my hero . . . my mom. Oh, and before I forget, Happy Birthday on Friday!!!!!

Llama Linz!!!! Since the anniversary of birth is called a birthday, does that mean the anniversary of a death is called a deathday? That sounds much to morbid. So Happy Anniversary of graduating this life with the highest honors possible! Longest two years ever. Did you know I still think about you a thousand million times every day? Cause I do. And I'm kind of jealous you have Mom with you. How's she doing? Will you give her a hug for me on her birthday? Or maybe you could just stop by for a quick visit. When all the missionaries were making their Mother's Day phone calls yesterday, I secretly hoped I would somehow get to hear from you. I still miss that phone call we were robbed of two years ago. The beauty of today is that I know you wouldn't want me to be sad, and I promise that until now, I haven't cried today. I have laughed at how much fun we had as I remembered you. I didn't even cry at the viewing of our next door neighbor tonight - I'm doin' good! I listened to your funeral yesterday, and may I remind you of the remarkable life you led? Years later, people are still talking about how you affected them. Linz, I've come a long way. Every once in a while (but not very often) my mind accidentally wanders to that night 2 years ago when I was awakened around 2 in the morning with the phone ringing. I had no idea that phone call would change my life forever. I still remember the words Dad used when he told me, and I remember realizing that the sobs I was hearing were coming from me. I remember that I had never felt more alone in my entire life. But I also remember that the loneliness only lingered for a moment, before the Comforter filled the room, my head, and my heart. The Spirit has blessed my life more than I know. And while there are still times when the pain is so strong it hurts to breathe, I know the healing power of the atonement has done wonders on me and my heart. Thanks for everything you're doing up there - I know you're helping more than any of us realize. Love you!!!

So I was looking at this picture of the girls yesterday and was doing the math - 1/4 of my family is gone! That's so depressing. So instead I'll focus on what I have - 3/4 of an amazing family here to help me through everything, and 1/4 on the other side to help me with the things I don't know I need. I'd say I'm pretty blessed, wouldn't you?